WordPress Founder Announces New “Community Spirit Tax,” Clarifies Open Source Was Always Meant To Be Emotionally Expensive
SAN FRANCISCO—In a move insiders are calling “a bold reimagining of the word ‘free,’” WordPress co-founder Matt Mullenweg allegedly demanded hosting providers pay 8% of their monthly revenue for the privilege of continuing to feel spiritually aligned with open source.
The fee, described internally as a “royalty” and externally as “just a vibe check with accounting consequences,” reportedly came after Mullenweg realized hosting companies were making money using WordPress without first asking permission from his feelings.
“Open source is about freedom,” said one Automattic insider. “Specifically, Matt’s freedom to decide what percentage of your gross revenue makes him feel appreciated.”
WP Engine, one of the largest WordPress hosting companies, expressed surprise at the demand, noting they had previously assumed “open source” meant “you can use it,” not “you can use it until Dad sees your paycheck.”
The lawsuit alleges Mullenweg personally contacted Stripe in an attempt to cut off WP Engine’s payments, marking the first recorded instance of an open-source founder attempting to repo a company’s cash flow like a tow truck circling a Honda Civic in 2009.
Sources close to the matter say Mullenweg selected the 8% royalty using a proprietary algorithm known internally as “what feels right in my heart.”
“If you had to estimate, it’d be about $32 million,” Mullenweg said publicly, demonstrating the uncanny precision that comes from staring directly at someone else’s balance sheet and pointing.
Industry analysts confirmed the number appears to have been derived using the standard Silicon Valley valuation method of “They’ll survive.”
The amended complaint also revealed internal references to giving competitors “the carrot or the stick,” marking the first time open source governance has been explicitly compared to a medieval toll road.
Hosting providers across the internet are now scrambling to determine whether they owe royalties for:
- Running WordPress
- Thinking about WordPress
- Having once Googled “how to install WordPress”
- Being perceived as emotionally benefiting from WordPress
Meanwhile, WordPress itself released a statement reminding users the platform remains free, provided they continue to pay nothing, earn nothing, and achieve nothing of financial significance.
At press time, the entire internet was nervously checking whether Linux planned to invoice them retroactively for having careers.