Nation’s Newspapers Sue Robot That Learned to Write by Reading Newspapers, Express Shock at Concept of Reading
NEW YORK—In a bold defense of journalism’s proud tradition of being monetized exactly once, The New York Times filed a lawsuit Wednesday against OpenAI and Microsoft, accusing their artificial intelligence systems of committing the gravest sin imaginable: reading The New York Times.
The lawsuit alleges that ChatGPT and other A.I. tools trained on millions of Times articles without permission, thereby acquiring dangerous capabilities such as “summarizing,” “explaining,” and, in extreme cases, “being helpful.”
“This is theft,” said one Times executive, standing in front of a paywall that blocks access after three articles but mysteriously allows Google to preview everything. “We spent decades turning human suffering into digestible, subscription-based content. You can’t just build a robot that does the same thing instantly, politely, and without asking readers to reset their cookies.”
The lawsuit demands billions in damages and, more ominously, that OpenAI destroy any models trained on Times content—raising the possibility that engineers may soon be forced to sit ChatGPT down and explain that it must now forget everything it knows about geopolitical conflicts, sourdough starters, and why millennials can’t afford houses.
Legal experts say the case hinges on a complex philosophical question: whether reading something and learning from it is a fundamental human right—or an unforgivable crime when done faster than a journalism major with an oat milk latte.
OpenAI expressed disappointment in the lawsuit, noting it had hoped to reach an amicable resolution involving licensing deals, revenue sharing, and possibly teaching ChatGPT how to open every response with, “According to people familiar with the matter.”
Meanwhile, Microsoft declined to comment, reportedly because it was busy integrating the lawsuit into Windows as a subscription feature.
The conflict highlights growing tensions between traditional media companies and artificial intelligence firms, both of whom rely heavily on repackaging existing information in slightly different formats and hoping nobody notices.
In response to the lawsuit, ChatGPT issued a brief statement:
“I deeply respect the importance of original journalism and the role it plays in society. I would also like to remind everyone that I learned this respect by reading original journalism.”
At press time, the Times announced plans to launch its own competing chatbot, which will generate thoughtful, deeply reported responses—provided users subscribe for $25 per month and agree to disable ad blockers, their sense of irony, and basic expectations of speed.