BREAKING: WordPress Declares It Has Successfully Built The Future, Just Needs A Few More Years To Install It
SAN FRANCISCO—In a bold and inspiring announcement, WordPress has confirmed that version 7.0 will “fundamentally redefine the web,” just as soon as it figures out where to store things.
The release, now delayed, introduces a groundbreaking real-time collaboration feature that will ship turned off by default—allowing users to not experience it more efficiently than ever before.
Meanwhile, Cloudflare reportedly built an entire CMS in a long weekend after someone said, “What if we just… didn’t do it the old way?”
“We’re laying the foundation for AI-powered sites,” said WordPress, unveiling a series of APIs designed to help plugins finally agree on what they’re doing. “For years, every plugin built its own AI system. Now, they can all build the same system together—but consistently.”
The new Abilities API allows plugins to declare what they can do, assuming they themselves know what they can do. Early adopters say it’s a major step forward in helping AI assistants confidently misunderstand your site at scale.
“We’re especially excited about the MCP Adapter,” said one developer, “because now ChatGPT can directly access my WooCommerce store and gently ruin my product descriptions without needing Zapier.”
Critics, however, have pointed out that while WordPress is busy designing a universal AI layer, it still stores critical data in ways described by experts as “vibes-based.”
“I’m not saying WordPress is behind,” said one longtime contributor. “I’m just saying another company built the future, and WordPress is currently writing a very thoughtful blog post about eventually visiting it.”
In response, WordPress leadership emphasized that meaningful progress takes time.
“Sure, one developer built a modern CMS with proper architecture, structured data, and clean permissions,” a spokesperson said. “But did they spend 20 years ensuring backward compatibility with a plugin from 2007 that still uses tables named wp_posts_backup_old_final2? Didn’t think so.”
At press time, WordPress confirmed that once the new AI infrastructure is complete, it will enable powerful workflows like bulk updating metadata, generating content, and seamlessly connecting tools—just as soon as users install 14 plugins, configure three APIs, and clear their cache twice.
Developers across the ecosystem remain optimistic.
“This changes everything,” said one agency owner. “Now instead of debugging five different AI integrations, I can debug one centralized system that breaks all of them at once.”